Catholic Warning: Children are actually sent from outer space to test the limits of patience.
I have extremely...uhm...lucky...to have taught kindergarten catechism for a few years. For those who have never tried teaching complex Catholic dogma to a group of 15 five year old children, I will, in my own limited way, describe what insanity follows.
Regan, Regan, Regan. My curious, beautiful, stubborn daughter was once in my Sunday School class. For the past six weeks, she very covertly influenced her fifteen classmates.
Week 1: Regan announces that Jesus should be a fisher of both girl and boy trout.
Week 2: God does not like peanut butter treats, but rather chocolate.
Week 3: Jesus should have included cookies when he fed 5000 people fish and bread.
Week 4: Poor Jesus, no one brought him a video game console in Bethlehem.
Week 5: The cry room is a perfect spot to hide from your mommy and daddy.
And the grand finale: Week 6: Regan recites her version of the Lord's Prayer.
"Our Farter, whose art's in heaven, halloween be my name, my kingdom come, my will be done, on earth and everywhere else, give me your daily Fred, and forget us our treasures, as we forget others who treasure against us. And lead us not into the basement but liver us from MMs."
By the time she finished, her fifteen little followers who cannot remember my name after six weeks, were chanting "Our Farter" loudly.
- Great, I'm teaching kids that God has gas.
- God's hobby is painting landscapes.
- Halloween is another name for God.
- And you should not go into the basement of houses.
- Fred apparently has been sold into slavery every day.
- Everyone should bow to Regan's will.
- Lastly and perhaps the biggest cut of all, MM’s will be made out of liver.
What can I say? She’s a leader.